December 2018: Self-Care, Connections and Gratitude
As we move into the last weeks of the calendar year, most of us are feeling the stress that comes from wrapping up. Wrapping up work before we go on vacation, wrapping up what we thought we'd accomplish this year, wrapping up gifts for loved ones. These feelings of stress can manifest in many ways including physically (headaches, stomachaches, fatigue), emotionally (feeling drained, feeling overwhelmed, feeling agitated or anxious) and interpersonally (snapping at others, not wanting to see others, feeling impatient with those around us). What to do to manage this?
The answer, as research suggests, is to engage in self-care, gratitude and interpersonal connections. Both gratitude and interpersonal connections can be filed under the heading of self-care, which there has been a great deal of talk about over the last few years. Self-care looks different for all of us but some of the beginning stages of it are the same. When we start to feel irritated, overwhelmed, exhausted, humorless and generally icky (that's the technical term, by the way!), we can all do a few things.
The first thing we can do is acknowledge that it's happening. Right now, within all the joy of the season, there is an enormous pressure to "finish" things. Whether that means finishing your holiday shopping or finishing your work or finishing whatever goals you had for the year, that's a lot of pressure. Recognizing the pressures you feel and allowing yourself to verbalize them (perhaps to a trusted friend or writing your own list) is the first step to decreasing the pressure.
The next step is to offer yourself some compassion and forgiveness. Maybe you will get to the end of your list or maybe you won't. Maybe you will finish all of your work or maybe you won't. Maybe you will reach every goal you had or maybe you won't. Regardless, you put in the effort and you tried your best. Stressing out over it won't help you get to the finish line. Compassion and forgiveness can sometimes provide us the space and moments we need to regroup so that we can move forward, perhaps closer to that finish.
Finally, take a deep breath and re-focus. What is essential? What can be left for another time? What could you ask for help with and who could you ask that would be receptive? Make a list and move through it deliberately. Take the time to think about how what you're doing relates to the other areas of your life and try to find the positive in it. Shopping for last-minute gifts? How lovely it is to have so many people with whom you are connected and for whom you can feel grateful. Running from one social engagement to another? Feel gratitude for those connections and relationships in your life. Trying to finish that last report or spreadsheet or work assignment? Feel the good that comes by having a job that allows you the chance to engage your brain and/or body.
Research also points to gratitude as a way to help us calm and feel more connected to ourselves and our lives. Taking the time each evening to write down three things for which you feel gratitude for that day has been proven to improve mood and overall happiness. This may be a good practice to start during the busy holiday season. If you eat dinner with family at night, you can begin by asking each person to name one thing they are thankful/grateful for that day. It can start some interesting conversations and can help to increase everyone's overall mood.
While it is important to be connected to others, it is also important to find moments of solo self-care as well. A few minutes walk in the fresh air, a hot shower, good music, a cup of tea and a good book- all of these can help us to refresh and rejuvenate ourselves. Even just ten minutes of truly focused independent time can help us to recharge. As always, it is also important to get enough sleep, drink enough water, and eat consistently. When we are rushing around, it's easy to forget these basic needs for ourselves, particularly if we are providing them for others!
Within this season, we can try to find the balance between connecting with others, which is essential for good emotional health, and finding time to ourselves to recharge. We can also find compassion both for ourselves and for others as we all move through the rush and pressures together. Adding in some daily gratitude and reflection can also help to ground us and keep us moving forward.
Wishing you and your family a happy holiday season and a calm, relaxing, grateful new year!
---Dr. J.
See below for more resources about self-care and gratitude:
In Praise of Gratitude (Harvard University Health Publishing)
Gratitude Journal Practice (Greater Good In Action)
7 Scientifically Proven Benefits of Gratitude (Psychology Today)
134 Self-Care Activities
101 Self-Care Activities
TED Playlist: The Importance of Self-Care
The answer, as research suggests, is to engage in self-care, gratitude and interpersonal connections. Both gratitude and interpersonal connections can be filed under the heading of self-care, which there has been a great deal of talk about over the last few years. Self-care looks different for all of us but some of the beginning stages of it are the same. When we start to feel irritated, overwhelmed, exhausted, humorless and generally icky (that's the technical term, by the way!), we can all do a few things.
The first thing we can do is acknowledge that it's happening. Right now, within all the joy of the season, there is an enormous pressure to "finish" things. Whether that means finishing your holiday shopping or finishing your work or finishing whatever goals you had for the year, that's a lot of pressure. Recognizing the pressures you feel and allowing yourself to verbalize them (perhaps to a trusted friend or writing your own list) is the first step to decreasing the pressure.
The next step is to offer yourself some compassion and forgiveness. Maybe you will get to the end of your list or maybe you won't. Maybe you will finish all of your work or maybe you won't. Maybe you will reach every goal you had or maybe you won't. Regardless, you put in the effort and you tried your best. Stressing out over it won't help you get to the finish line. Compassion and forgiveness can sometimes provide us the space and moments we need to regroup so that we can move forward, perhaps closer to that finish.
Finally, take a deep breath and re-focus. What is essential? What can be left for another time? What could you ask for help with and who could you ask that would be receptive? Make a list and move through it deliberately. Take the time to think about how what you're doing relates to the other areas of your life and try to find the positive in it. Shopping for last-minute gifts? How lovely it is to have so many people with whom you are connected and for whom you can feel grateful. Running from one social engagement to another? Feel gratitude for those connections and relationships in your life. Trying to finish that last report or spreadsheet or work assignment? Feel the good that comes by having a job that allows you the chance to engage your brain and/or body.
Research also points to gratitude as a way to help us calm and feel more connected to ourselves and our lives. Taking the time each evening to write down three things for which you feel gratitude for that day has been proven to improve mood and overall happiness. This may be a good practice to start during the busy holiday season. If you eat dinner with family at night, you can begin by asking each person to name one thing they are thankful/grateful for that day. It can start some interesting conversations and can help to increase everyone's overall mood.
While it is important to be connected to others, it is also important to find moments of solo self-care as well. A few minutes walk in the fresh air, a hot shower, good music, a cup of tea and a good book- all of these can help us to refresh and rejuvenate ourselves. Even just ten minutes of truly focused independent time can help us to recharge. As always, it is also important to get enough sleep, drink enough water, and eat consistently. When we are rushing around, it's easy to forget these basic needs for ourselves, particularly if we are providing them for others!
Within this season, we can try to find the balance between connecting with others, which is essential for good emotional health, and finding time to ourselves to recharge. We can also find compassion both for ourselves and for others as we all move through the rush and pressures together. Adding in some daily gratitude and reflection can also help to ground us and keep us moving forward.
Wishing you and your family a happy holiday season and a calm, relaxing, grateful new year!
---Dr. J.
See below for more resources about self-care and gratitude:
In Praise of Gratitude (Harvard University Health Publishing)
Gratitude Journal Practice (Greater Good In Action)
7 Scientifically Proven Benefits of Gratitude (Psychology Today)
134 Self-Care Activities
101 Self-Care Activities
TED Playlist: The Importance of Self-Care
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