April and May 2022: Talking About Difficult Things

As May comes to a close, many of us are feeling heartbroken, shaken, numb, angry, and many other emotions as we process the news from Buffalo, NY and Uvalde, TX.   There has been so much loss and grief and violence over the last few years and it can feel overwhelming and hopeless.   If this is how the adults are feeling, it's easy to imagine that the children are feeling it as well.  As the adults, it is important for us to acknowledge those feelings in ourselves and our children, and it is important that we do not shy away from appropriately talking about what's happening.  Children, tweens, and even adolescents often take what they hear and create a narrative about events that may not be accurate. If the adults don't help to clear up misunderstandings and talk about what is happening, our students will rely on their own interpretation of events, and will internalize the message that even the adults are too afraid to talk about scary things.  

I once had a clinical supervisor who would say, "Better to be the only devil in a world of angels, than the only angel in a world of devils."  What he meant by that was children will take what is happening around them and relate it to their own life and experience.  When they do this, it is scary and disempowering to believe that the world and the people in it are harmful and unsafe so they will often flip that and take on the scary, dangerousness onto themselves so that they can feel a sense of empowerment and belief that those around them are safe.  Talking with trusted, safe, adults can help create a more balanced view of the world.  

For some guidance on what to say and how to say it, please see our counseling department page: Talking To Your Child.    I also wrote about this, in the before Covid times, here. 

As we move into June and summer break, be sure to stay connected with your supports and to pay attention to what you need to remain able to help others. Self-care is as important as caring for those around you.  

--Dr. J. 

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