November 2019: The Honeymoon Is Over.
By now school is in full swing academically and children who were doing well may be starting to struggle. Elementary to middle school is an enormous transition (as are 6th to 7th and 7th to 8th grades) and many kids have a "honeymoon" period in the beginning. If you are noticing that your student is struggling, what can you do?
The first step is to ask your child. Most middle schoolers aren't likely to self-report feeling academically overwhelmed but many will feel relief if you ask. Asking your child, "Now that we're a few months into the new school year, how's it going?" can be an easy way to start. Asking what things they like and are enjoying is a good opening to finding out what isn't going as well. Once you have a sense of what they may be struggling with you can work with them to make a plan.
Sometimes the plan is to be more organized at home with homework and studying. It takes until almost 30 years of age for our brain to finish developing our capacity for executive function tasks. The best way to learn how to organize, plan, and regulate is to have someone explicitly teach us. Sit with your child and show them how to use a calendar to schedule assignments. Help them break down long-term projects or papers into manageable chunks. Check in with them to make sure they are following along and staying on task.
Other times, the plan calls for reaching out to the teachers. Encourage your child to do this before or after school. Sometimes school schedules allow for check-ins during the middle of the day. It is always better for your child to be the one to talk to their teachers because it empowers them and gives them some control. However, if your child is timid or unwilling, you can always reach out to the teacher first, explaining the situation, and asking if the teacher can make the first move.
For other non-academic issues, your child should talk with their grade level counselor or the psychologist. If your child is close to a particular teacher or other adult in the building, they can certainly talk with that person as well, but it is important for the members of your child's school team to know what is happening. Many times, if there are situations which are impacting your child's ability to access the academics, the teachers and school are more than wiling to accommodate and support your child.
Finally, thinking about how much time there is in the day and how many demands there are on all of us may be useful. Is your child participating in an activity every day of the week? Does this leave your child with time to decompress, connect with peers, and to get enough sleep? Study after study has come out recently focusing on the impact of decreasing the amount of sleep we are all getting. It is particularly meaningful for our children and adolescents whose brains are still developing and who need that recommended amount of sleep to support the brain development and growth. If everyone is feeling rushed and over-scheduled, it may be time to review the activities and to make some hard choices about what to keep and what to let go. See below for more information about sleep and schedules.
Over the coming months, we will review here the other supports that are available in school in terms of special education, 504 plans, Multitiered Systems of Support, and other school specific programs. At times, education can seem like a complicated foreign language. We will try to translate it for you.
In the meantime, check in with your kids and with yourself. What do you need today, this week, this month? What will allow you to be your best, most productive self? Whatever it may be- a walk outside, a night of good sleep, some down time gigging and laughing- try it and see if it helps you to feel more focused and less overwhelmed.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving week!
-- Dr. J
The Importance of Sleep for Kids- Johns Hopkins Medicine
Importance of Good Sleep Routines for Kids- University of British Columbia
The Importance of Sleep for Teen Mental Health- US News and World Report
Is Your Child Over Scheduled?- The Cleveland Clinic
The first step is to ask your child. Most middle schoolers aren't likely to self-report feeling academically overwhelmed but many will feel relief if you ask. Asking your child, "Now that we're a few months into the new school year, how's it going?" can be an easy way to start. Asking what things they like and are enjoying is a good opening to finding out what isn't going as well. Once you have a sense of what they may be struggling with you can work with them to make a plan.
Sometimes the plan is to be more organized at home with homework and studying. It takes until almost 30 years of age for our brain to finish developing our capacity for executive function tasks. The best way to learn how to organize, plan, and regulate is to have someone explicitly teach us. Sit with your child and show them how to use a calendar to schedule assignments. Help them break down long-term projects or papers into manageable chunks. Check in with them to make sure they are following along and staying on task.
Other times, the plan calls for reaching out to the teachers. Encourage your child to do this before or after school. Sometimes school schedules allow for check-ins during the middle of the day. It is always better for your child to be the one to talk to their teachers because it empowers them and gives them some control. However, if your child is timid or unwilling, you can always reach out to the teacher first, explaining the situation, and asking if the teacher can make the first move.
For other non-academic issues, your child should talk with their grade level counselor or the psychologist. If your child is close to a particular teacher or other adult in the building, they can certainly talk with that person as well, but it is important for the members of your child's school team to know what is happening. Many times, if there are situations which are impacting your child's ability to access the academics, the teachers and school are more than wiling to accommodate and support your child.
Finally, thinking about how much time there is in the day and how many demands there are on all of us may be useful. Is your child participating in an activity every day of the week? Does this leave your child with time to decompress, connect with peers, and to get enough sleep? Study after study has come out recently focusing on the impact of decreasing the amount of sleep we are all getting. It is particularly meaningful for our children and adolescents whose brains are still developing and who need that recommended amount of sleep to support the brain development and growth. If everyone is feeling rushed and over-scheduled, it may be time to review the activities and to make some hard choices about what to keep and what to let go. See below for more information about sleep and schedules.
Over the coming months, we will review here the other supports that are available in school in terms of special education, 504 plans, Multitiered Systems of Support, and other school specific programs. At times, education can seem like a complicated foreign language. We will try to translate it for you.
In the meantime, check in with your kids and with yourself. What do you need today, this week, this month? What will allow you to be your best, most productive self? Whatever it may be- a walk outside, a night of good sleep, some down time gigging and laughing- try it and see if it helps you to feel more focused and less overwhelmed.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving week!
-- Dr. J
The Importance of Sleep for Kids- Johns Hopkins Medicine
Importance of Good Sleep Routines for Kids- University of British Columbia
The Importance of Sleep for Teen Mental Health- US News and World Report
Is Your Child Over Scheduled?- The Cleveland Clinic
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